Recipe for the Best Hot Wings Ever Created by Man or Woman!!!

What can I say about Hot Wings that hasn't already been shouted at a bar in a drunken haze? They're fucking great!? Of course they are. I could eat Hot Wings every fucking day?! Yeah well no shit drunk ass. Here's the thing; how does one get that spicy, vinegary, chicken wing taste at home? Lucky for you, I know the answer and I will share it with you....all of you. It requires no special cooking abilities, no special equipment and about the same number of brain cells as a properly sauced frat house. And, I fucking promise you, HAND TO GOD, on my not-yet-dead mother's grave that if you follow my recipe, you will be the goddamm reigning Baron of Buffalo (get it? as in Buffalo wings). You will impress every lousy friend and family member you have to the point of embarassment.

Okay, so the first time I had these wings I was at a friend's house and I swear to Jesus that I couldn't get up from the table for an hour on account of the massive erection they gave me, no lie. Now, I asked my buddy for the recipe and he says he can't give it to me. It's an ancient (20 years) recipe handed down from his father's peoples on their trek from northern New York to California Southern. After a nice slathering of whiskey, I finally got him to relent. He walks over to his desk and pulls out an index card, and it might have been the whiskey but I'm pretty sure it produced a golden glow. It was the recipe. I swiped it out of his hands, ran out to the car, and drove off in a hot sauce induced madness. Didn't even say bye. Next day, I went to the store, bought everything I needed and made my first batch. Holy Shit, just as good as the night before! Second day, go back to the store and buy more Hot Wing supplies. This time, I tweak a little cause I know my shit when it comes to the kitchen and what do you know? EVEN FUCKIN' BETTER! BOOYAH! I now was the proud owner of the World's Greatest Hot Wing recipe. Fuck the Egyptians, fuck the Aztecs and fuck the Romans! This is MY contribution to mankind. In the last couple of years, all my friends and family have asked for this recipe and my buddy even begged me to never give it out, but a funny thing happened. I realized one day that there is nothing I can do in this world to make a difference. I will not go to the Jersey Shore. I will not do something completely embarassing to end up on YouTube and I am too lazy to really accomplish anything of substance, but I do make one badass Hot Wing. You know how you see a movie after everyone gushes about how freakin' great and wonderful a film it is, then you see it and you think "Eh, it wasn't that good." But your friends killed it by going overboard with the compliments. There is no chance of that here. My recipe will destroy any chance of a hyperbole lashback. They are that good. So, all I ask is that you make them for people you love, or at least for people you don't hate and please please enjoy.

Luca Wings

For the wings:
1 pkg chicken wings, also called party wings, 12-15 ct
1/2 cup corn starch
2 tblsp seasoning salt
1 tsp garlic salt
5 cups any oil for frying, use what you like but I use regular old vegetable oil

For the sauce:
1 cup Red Rooster hot sauce, do not use Tabasco; if not Rooster, try Crystal or other Lousiana brand
4 tblsp REAL butter; no margarine
3 tblsp BBQ sauce, any sauce will do

First you heat up the oil. Use a 5 quart sauce pan and heat it up over medium high heat to 375 degrees. Next, you get a large Ziploc bag. Dump all the dry ingredients into the bag and mix thoroughly. Pat the chicken wings dry then put them into the bag with the seasoned corn starch. Zip the bag up and give it a good shake to coat the wings completely. Take the wings out and shake off any excess corn starch. Place on a plate and let them rest 5 minutes.

While the wings are resting, start the sauce. Using a small sauce pan, melt all the butter over the lowest heat. Once the butter is melted, pour in the hot sauce and bbq sauce. Whisk over low heat a couple of minutes until the sauce appears smooth and the butter is mixed well.

Now, cook the wings. Cook them in 2 batches, about 7 or 8 per batch. Here's the secret; we will cook each batch until it reaches a dark gold color, about 15 minutes. We want them very crispy so the sauce won't make them soggy and they retain their cruchy texture once you sauce them. Remove the wings from oil and place on a napkin/paper towel covered plate. Season at once with some more seasoning salt while they are still hot, otherwise the seasoning won't stick. Once all the wings are done, place in a large bowl and pour the warm wing sauce over. Mix with a large spoon to coat the wings. Serve on a platter with BLEU CHEESE. I guess you could use ranch dressing if you want but bleu cheese is the rightful dipping sauce. Serve them with celery?? Hell no! I fucking hate celery and I consider it an insult for someone to put raw celery on my plate, you might as well take a big steaming shit on my plate. But I do agree with putting something cool and crisp on the plate to help with the chile pains so I suggest cucumber spears or if you want to be adventurous, try Jicama. It's as awesome as celery is shitty. Anyways, good luck and drop me a note and let me know how it goes with being awesome now.

Kogi Food Truck?! EFFIN' A MAN!!!

Okay, so if you live in Southern California, or you are a self-proclaimed foodie or you have and/or have watched Food Network in the last 2 years, then you are aware of the new-found food craze known as gourmet food trucks. No longer do we call them "roach coach" and one of the first trucks to really make a splash is called Kogi. Kogi specializes in fusion food, combining the flavors of Korean BBQ and Mexican food. The owner and founder is this guy named Roy, I think, who is Korean but grew up in East Los Angeles. For those outside of SoCal, East Los Angeles is a thoroughly Mexican neighborhood filled with very traditional Mexican food venues. Now, if any of my info is wrong, blame Food Network' Guy Fieri and that Goddammed Wikipedia. On a side note relating to Guy Fieri; not entirely sure I can trust a man who wears his sunglasses on the back of his head... seems like he's trying really hard to watch his own back...hmmmm.


So for the last 18 months I've been hearing from my LA-based friend how incredible Kogi is and how I have to try it. Yeah, this is the same friend who told me how fantastic the remake of Karate Kid was and well, no thanks. I'll take old-ass Ralph Macchio any day over Will Smith's daughter. (side conversation: "What??? That was a freakin' boy?! Wow!")Anyways, even without the incessant ball washing that my friend was giving to the Kogi menu, it would have been impossible to watch Food Network over the last year without seeing multiple profiles on Kogi's refreshingly delicious food offerings. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I started to get the feeling that there was no conceivable way it could be nearly as good as everyone was saying. I was experiencing Kogi backlash, which is almost like Bieber Fever except not as gay. Well, a couple of weeks ago, my same LA buddy invited me to the Lakers game, with a planned stop at the Kogi food truck. We park at Staples Center and walk the 5 blocks over to Hope St. I know, I know, the irony wasn't lost on me, believe it brother. We walk up to the truck and already I'm feeling disappointment. I just know that this is gonna suck. I order the 3 taco deal, which is 3 tacos and a drink for $7. I ordered 2 Korean short rib tacos and one spicy pork. My friend also orders a Kimchee Quesadilla, which sounds really not great but what the hell, I'm going down in a blaze of Korean fire. I think by the time my friend got his change back into his pocket, they were handing us food. Okay, good service. We walk over to a small brick wall and I put my food down and take a good look. Allright, just looks like normal Mexican carne asada tacos. Then I get a noseful....mmmmmmm. Doesn't smell like any taco I've ever had, and I'm Mexican. I smell soy and tanginess from the Kimchee and the richness from the Korean BBQ. Then I bite into a taco and KAPOW! It tasted like one of those great old Kung Fu movies. If Bruce Lee were a taco, he'd be a Kogi taco. Dynamic, original, lots of flavorful punch and absolutely perfect. I could not believe that not only did the food live up to the hype, it utterly supassed, smashed and obliterated any preconceived notions I had. It was the best taco I have ever paid for. Due to sentimentality and cultural loyalties, they can never be better than tacos made in the backyard by my grandma, rest in peace abuela. But, they are the only one I will eagerly pay hard earned cash for. Thank you Kogi, thank you Roy.


Oh yeah, the Kimchee Quesadilla was also gangster...so freakin' badass. It was a quesadilla the way Cirque du Soleil is a circus. You're not sure what just happened, you just know it was awesome.


Viva El Kogi!