Great Job Anonymous!!

Hey, nice clown tattoo

So, I received a comment from a frustrated lady and I gotta say, "Thank You"! You made my day, you truly did. When I started this blog, I thought it'd be fun to do some writing and also get some good old-fashioned complainin' done, just like our grandfathers have done for so long. And yes, my complete and total "unfatuation" (see what I did there, I invented a kick-ass new word!) with Rachel Ray was the impetus to create this blog. Without her, there's no blog. Thing is, there are so many things about her I strongly dislike, I could write a novel, then I realized they did and called it MOBY DICK (rimshot! cheesy joke, sorry). Anyways, one of the unanticipated benefits of this blog, something I didn't even consider is the fact that I might get under the skin of her less than stellar fans...you know who you are. The following comment was the best of the worst and I thought I'd try being diplomatic and address some of her concerns. First, let's read:

Anonymous said...

Well, someone needs to get a life and quit focusing on other people's business. First of all, she is absolutely adorable and you are one of the "few" who must be so jealous or disturbed in the head by her that you might want to see a professional about this. Next, if you don't like her, don't watch her, listen to her or talk about her. Her life has nothing to do with yours, so get over it and move on. Calling her names won't help you either because as you put it "clown-face Ray" isn't bothered by you in the least. She's beautiful, wealthy, happy, successful, famous and no way intimidated by a loser like yourself. BTW, about the floodlight, hate, fury, stuttering (speakeasy.com might help), slobbering, frothing and everything - you might want to seek a doctor because if you don't the future might be very dim for you. Oh, I forgot - Rachel is going somewhere - forward without any threat from you at all.

Good stuff, right? I am writing this under the assumption that this is from a woman. Based on the fact that my reader used the term "absolutely adorable", it's either a woman, a gay man, or her dad. I figure I got a 33% chance it's a woman, so that's what I'm going with. Okay, let me apologize in advance to all the Rachel Ray fans but I will do my best to express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand; sorry, I gonna use lil' words n' stuff. First, you say to "get a life and quit focusing on other people's business". That's funny coming from someone who found the least read, most obscure blog on the internet and commented on it! Get it right lady, you found me. Next, you make the comment that could go down in the history of the written word as the "Stupidest Thing Ever Written" that she's adorable, too stupid to further comment on and then go on to say I'm one of the "few" people who dislike her, to paraphrase. Miss Onymous, or should I call you An, go to Google, type in the phrase "Rachel Ray sucks" and hit enter. I got 203,000 hits in .32 seconds! Imagine if Google had a full second!! Do the math lady, over 600,000 hits in a second...Wow. I think that makes your description of me as "few" more inaccurate than one of her recipes (she never measures, she just randomly throws everything in a bowl, with EVOO). Then, you go on to basically say if I don't like her, change the channel. Lady, I freakin' wish! I wish I could put it on Food Network, Cooking Channel, or any daytime show without seeing her stupid Joker face or hearing that ridiculous cackle. I wish I could check out at the grocery story without having her peering out at me from behind a Goddamm bushel of corn on her stupid magazine and I really wish I could surf the internet without being bombarded by ads for her ridiculously styled kitchen wares. Side note: sorta ironic how her kitchen line is Halloween orange when everyone says she looks just like a clown ready to go trick-or-treating. As a matter of fact, every time I see her, I have a strange impulse to stuff candy corn into her pillow case, go figure.Actually, with a body like hers, she might wanna lay off the sweets, I'm just saying. As for the rest of your comment, okay yes, she's a winner and I'm a loser. She's going forward and I'm not and, I even agree with you that clown-face Ray isn't bothered in the least by me. BUT YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!  wwwhhhoooooooo hooooooooo....suck it Rachel Ray fans.

Thanks for writing and keep those comments coming.

Deuces